Do you ever have a conversation with someone and immediately think: I've got to remember this to A) Blog about it B) Tweet About it C) Facebook Status Update About it? Okay maybe this is only my own Truman-Showesque Quality but I'm sure that there are others out there that can entirely relate to this phenomenon.
My mother was over for dinner last week. She drove down a millwork sample & granite sample from her kitchen so that I can match up backsplash tile for them. It's the least I can do seeing as I was suppoed to renovate her kitchen years ago. Now to be fair, of the trades I had quote it out (it's a tricky cosmetic overhaul) 1) Was too high 2) Didn't Inspire Confidence in my Mom despite my having worked with them in the past 3) Entered some sort of Witness Relocation Program/Went Bust/Who the Hell Knows. So it dragged on. My own kitchen was completed gutted in the mean time, something I neglected to mention to my mom for fear of the backlash. Oh there was backlash, in fact there was an outright lash but I'm quick and managed to duck in time. She did have the option to go with the same people see the aforementioned #2 on the list.
Anyway, this background to the story has absolutely NOTHING to do with why I am even writing about this. I'm that kind of story teller. I believe in adding all sorts of useless background and context in order to richen the actual story. No wonder I'm still without a voice. I'm wordy I get it. I own it. Proudly. Deal.WITH.It. What the hell was I talking about again? Oh right - my mom. SOOOO I should in the spirit of context, offer this additional aside that my mom is often prone to talk about the morbid. She's direct. She's a commercial insurance broker so I think she feels compelled to be over honest with most if not all situations. Apparently weight gain or loss is exempt from this, she doesn't want to risk offending anyone. That's the amazing paradox that is my mother. She is MS. EMILY POST when it comes to manners. However, she is blunter than blunt at times and blows all sense of propriety out the window with some of her amazing quips. This evening was no different. Out of the blue, she announces that there is some important information that we should be made aware of. Specifically, that she and her partner (Common Law Step Daddio) have bought the Plot. I mean literally. They bought a joint plot to be buried in. Did I mention my mom is uber practical? This is a great example. She's a planner. Thinking ahead to the big picture and dirt pile in the sky I guess. So she wanted me to know this. (Which reminds me, I think she gave me a copy of her Will once upon a time, no idea where that is) The funnier part of this story, beyond the random mentioning of the plot, comes moments later when I'm being instructed that her cats are to be buried with her. I will let that soak in a bit. Did you immediately think - "Oh my god, Meredith is expected to kill her cats and bury them with her?" That's what flashed before my eyes when I heard the words. I mean I was totally NOT prepared to be having this conversation which was my error. My mom loves to have these sorts of conversations you'd think after 40 years I'd be used to them. NOPE. Anyway, what she confessed to is that yes, in fact, what was long suspected is now confirmed. My Mother is the CRAZY CAT LADY. There are all sorts of little Objets in her study bookcases (that she built herself by the way - impressive woodworking skills she has) and they all turn out to be filled with the ashen remains of her cats that have gone to the great Meow in the sky.
As she was leaving, she noticed a little decorative box on my console table (she made that too) in the foyer. She reached out and touched it and turned quickly to say, "This would make a great vessel for ashes." No words people. No words.